A wire report from my son’s house:

In a bold mid-day assault, a
team of commandos from the Acorn Liberation Front, the militant wing of
the Squirrel Union, has successfully staged what appears to be the
biggest attack yet upon bird feeders in the vicinity. A coordinated
effort against the "Squirrel-B-Gone" feeder has left it weakened and
vulnerable. Forensics experts are reviewing the debris but preliminary
indications are that gnawing on the top where it fits into the feeder
base caused a disconnect, plummeting the base to the ground and
spilling hundreds of valuable black oil sunflower seeds upon the
ground. A team of fattened seed hoarders descended upon the scene
before authorities arrived, plundering as much as they could before the
site was secured. Despite the recent successes of the ALF, additional
anti-squirrel resources have been diverted and most seeds have been
recovered from the ground and placed into a new feeder with a screw-on
top. Bird Spokesman "Blue" Jay McFlutter described the scene as "a
tragic loss" and called for a squadron of hawks to be mobilized to deal
with the threat. Unfortunately, the hawks did not arrive on time and
instead a herd of loud children arrived on the scene to keep the
squirrels away. Jumpy Jones, ALF Press Secretary had no comment, as his
mouth was full of stolen sunflower seeds.