BACKYARDSBURG (Reuters) – Emboldened by a string of recent successes, a coordinated
attack was launched by the Acorn Liberation Front, the militant wing of the
Squirrel Union, has reduced the “Squirrel-B-Gone” bird feeder to ruins. After
many attempts to weaken the structure and despite repeated attempts to repaid
the bird feeder, a triad from the ALF special forces joined forces to swing the
feeder off of its hook, causing it to crash to the ground. A hole formed on the
side of the feeder which was leapt upon by the team and enlarged, allowing
access to the sunflower seeds contained within.  ALF leader Gen. Nutsy McAcorn was jubilant
with the news of the team’s success and subsequent defense of the seeds from
the rival LOC (League of Chipmunks) faction. LOC dispatched a lone chipmunk to
collect seeds from the pillaging site, but the attack was repulsed by ALF
forces under McAcorn’s command. Local birds are outraged and call for a quick retaliatory
strike. Feline infantry, often used only as a last resort due to the perils it
offers for the avian population, may need to be called in to contain the
situation. FDF (Feather Defense Force) Spokesbird Col. Sanders reports a secret
weapon is under development to exact revenge upon the militant squirrels. No
details have emerged as of yet, but insiders report there may be secret herbs
and spices involved. FDF will neither confirm nor deny these reports, but
sources close to FDF Chief of Staff St. Louis Cardinal believes there may be
some sort of high tech weapon to be deployed against the squirrels… word has
been leaked about “Project Flipper” but nothing official has been reported as
of yet.