FORT BIRDSEED (Col. Sanders Military News Network) ALF
Forces under control of Gen. Nutsy McAcorn launched a frontal assault against
Fort Birdseed at 1118 hours today. The expeditionary force was launched from a
secret base atop Oak Tree Hill. ALF Commander I. M. Nutz began the daring raid
after reviewing his surveillance team reports. “Easy pickins,” it said. He
began the raid by directing troops to climb up the pole to Fort Birdseed. Once
inside the defense perimeter, Seed Defense Force (SDF) Regal Specialist HRH Treasure’s
Agent  engaged the secret weapon,
spinning the intruder off of the fort. Undeterred, the raiding party returned
three more times; spurned each time by the defenses of Fort Birdseed. Lt. Col.
Finger Lickin Sanders of the SDF reports the raids were successfully repulsed,
thus ending the first Battle of Spinning Seed.


At 1500 hrs today, a squadron of S-15 Squirrelacopters was
dispatched from the ALF secret base to assault Fort Birdseed. The intruders
were detected by Maj. Gen. Carole Cattservant, who relayed the information to
SDF Agent Blackjack and Chief Squirrelflinger Ringo. The anti squirrelcraft
fire was launched at once, sending the squirrelacopters headed in great haste back
to their secret base. Commander in Chief Miss Catt was reportedly  highly amused by the battle, stating that
ALF’s seed-napping philosophy was bankrupt and its leadership was left “going
in circles.”

Commander in Chief Miss Catt leading the SDF on to victory

Photo credits from the wartime archive of Paul at The Pic Place  

President Miss Catt thanks her brave wartime photo correspondent